Her World Collapsed on a Sunday Morning
by teanc09
Summary: Will Mac survive the collapse of her world?
1. Chapter 1

Mac was sitting in front of the fire on the couch in what used to be Will's apartment, now it was their apartment. They'd been back together for almost a year now and she thought that things couldn't have been going any better. They talked and sought each other's counsel; they were it for the other.

Will walked in and sat next to her. "I need to talk to you," he said very seriously.

She put her journal down and turned to him. She tried to take his hand but he pulled back from her. "Will?"

"I need to tell you something."

"Okay, tell me."

He got up off the couch and began pacing back and forth in front of the fire. "Do you remember my trip to DC about three months ago?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"I ran into an old friend from my White House days. She was actually an old girlfriend, Sam."

"Okay."

"We went out for drinks and ended up having dinner together. We were having a great time chatting and catching up, we weren't ready to go our separate ways yet so we went for a walk in Georgetown."

"Where did you go for drinks and dinner, Will?"

"Sequoia. Any way we were walking and we stopped at the canal and I kissed her."

Mac felt her world fall apart just then. She wasn't saying anything, just staring at him.

"It didn't stop there, Mac. We went back to my hotel and I slept with her. She ended up staying with me while I was there."

"You were there for a week."

"I know."

"Are you still seeing her?"

"No, I broke it off a while back."

"When, Will," she demanded.

"Last month."

"Tell me you've not fucked her in our bed?"

He was silent.

"Shit," she said and got up off the couch.

"There's more you need to hear."

She looked like she was in shock to him.

"She called yesterday. She hadn't been feeling well and went to the doctor."

"Is she pregnant, Will?" Mac yelled.

"She is not pregnant. I wore a condom."

"Great, thanks," Mac said.

"She found out she's HIV positive. You need to be checked out, sweetheart."

Mac collapsed onto the floor. He rushed to her side but she swatted his hands away from her. Mac was sobbing and gulping air. She was scaring him.

"Mac, I know you're upset, but you've got to calm down some."

She got up off the floor and ran into the bathroom with him following her. She threw up and collapsed against the tub. He wet a washcloth and tried to wipe her face but she pulled away from him and eventually he just held the cloth out to her.

"Is the only reason you're telling me is because she's HIV positive?"

"I didn't know how to tell you and I didn't want to hurt you. It was over with Mac, I chose to stay with you. You are it for me."

"So, if there wasn't a medical necessity I would have never known."

"No, I wouldn't have told you," he said honestly. Probably the first honest thing he'd done in a while where she was concerned.

She got up off the floor and unsteadily walked back out to the living room and collapsed on the couch.

"What do you want me to do, Mac? I can go to a hotel, sleep in the guest room, what?"

The tears were streaming down her face and she was making no move to hide her pain from him. "I'm going to the brownstone, you can stay here." He remained in the living room while she was throwing things into a bag to take with her. A few minutes later she walked past him and to the elevator and pressed the button.

He wanted to reach out to her and somehow start to repair the damage he'd done but he didn't know how and he doubted that his attempts would be welcomed at the present. He walked to the elevator and said, "I know you don't want to hear this, but I do love you, Kenz."

Mac got on the elevator without acknowledging anything he said. She got the doorman to hail her a cab and gave the address of the brownstone.

The brownstone was just as she remembered. It had been a while since she'd been there, months probably. Fortunately, she'd kept all the utilities active. She turned on the fireplace and dropped onto the couch thinking about all she had to do now.

Her phone alarm woke her from what little sleep she was able to get. She called her doctor's office and explained what she needed done and they made an appointment for her first thing.

Mac took a shower and got dressed in running pants, a t-shirt and sweatshirt. She made her way across town to her doctor's office. She was taken right back and the test was administered and blood drawn. The nurse had asked her to wait in an exam room while they ran the test.

Mac was scrolling through text messages and emails from Will when the doctor knocked on the door and came in to talk with her.

"Do you have the results, Janice?" Mac asked.

"You are not HIV positive. Since you have been exposed, I'm going to recommend another test in about a month. Do you know when you were first exposed?"

"Not exactly, but possibly as much as three months ago, but I'm not sure when the person who exposed my partner became ill, she found out recently but I could have been exposed as recently as last month."

Janice saw the tears in Mac's eyes and hugged her. Janice and Mac had been friends for a while now. "I'm so sorry, Mac."

"Thanks."

"There is more I need to talk to you about."

"What?" Mac asked.

"You're pregnant. It's very early, maybe six weeks from the hormone levels in your system. Do we need to talk about options?"

Mac laughed. "Not right now, okay?"

"Call me any time and I'll work you in if we need to talk, okay? For coffee, or a walk, whatever you need, Mac. You do need to stop with the birth control pills."

"Okay. Thank you for seeing me this morning," she said hugging her friend.

"Any time. Come on, I'll walk you out and get you your prescription for prenatal vitamins."

Mac made her way to the studio and into her office without too many people seeing her. She wasn't exactly dressed for work. She needed to think about the baby and what she was going to tell Will.

There was a knock on her door and when she said come in, Will pushed her door open. "Hi."

"Hello."

"I wasn't sure you'd be here today?"

"This is all I've got left." She knew it was a cheap shot but didn't care.

"I had the HIV test this morning, I'm negative."

"Good."

"Good?" he questioned.

"I don't want you to be sick," she replied.

"Thanks. Were you tested?"

"Yes."

"And?" he asked.

"Negative. They drew some blood while I was there to rule out anything else."

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm pregnant. About six weeks."

He didn't know how to react. "Mac," he said starting around her desk.

"Please don't."

He stopped in his tracks, respecting her request. He'd given anything at that moment to be able to pull her into his arms and celebrate.

"Here is what is going to happen professionally, because right now that's all I can deal with and control. I am still going to Executive Produce this show and nothing is going to change here."

"Okay. What about our personal life?"

"I don't know all the answers. I'm moving back to the brownstone. I'll have movers come and pack and move my things as soon as possible."

"You don't have to do that, Mac. I can go to a hotel for a while."

"Do you seriously think I could sleep, let alone live in that apartment where you fucked your ex-girlfriend in our bed?" She was yelling very loudly now.

Charlie pushed her office door open. "Everything okay in here?"

"Just great, Charlie," Mac said.

"Will, can you give us the room?"

Will walked out of her office and Charlie sat down and said, "are you really okay?"

"I can do my job, Charlie."

He smiled at her. "Sweetheart, I know you can do you job and as long as I'm President of the News Division you've got a job. Are you okay?"

The tears started and she buried her face in her hands. Charlie made his way around her desk and pulled her up into a hug and let her cry. After a few minutes she asked, "he told you?"

"He did. I'm so sorry, Mac. I had no idea."

"Does anyone else know?" she asked.

"I don't think so. Are you sure you can be his EP?"

"He's the most visible but he's a small part of this team, I won't let the rest of them down because of him."

"If you need anything and I do mean anything, please let me know. Personal or professional, any time, day or night, kiddo."

"Thank you," she said hugging him tightly.

After Charlie left Sloan was the next into her office. "Mac, I need a few minutes tonight," she started and when she saw Mac's face she stopped and said, "are you okay?"

"Not really but I can't talk about it right now. I have to go to pitch."

"Want to get a liquid lunch afterwards?" Sloan offered.

"Lunch for sure. I'll come find you. How much extra time did you need and for what?"

"I want to do a story on how Europe's current economic upheaval is causing problems here. Maybe three minutes."

"You've got it, I'll see you in a while."

"Thanks, Kenz. You know anything you need, I'm there, right?"

"Thank you, Sloan."

Will was already in the conference room when she walked in and sat down waiting for the others, not speaking to him. She started the meeting asking for story ideas and explained what she already had on the board. Everyone was professional and the meeting ended on time with everyone scattering quickly. Mac gathered her things and started to walk out when he said, "you know we have to talk."

"I do know that but right now I can't stand to be in the same room as you, so until I at least get past that, talking is going to have to be on hold."

"Mac," he pleaded as she turned to walk out of the conference room. "Do you feel okay?"

"Yes," she said and left the room.

She went to her office and got her purse and went to find Sloan. "Ready for lunch?" Mac asked.

"I am," Sloan replied, eyeing her closely. "Where to?"

"I don't care," Mac answered.

"Okay, let's go to Luigi's."

Mac led them to the elevators and they left the building not speaking. Once they were in a cab Sloan could see how upset Mac really was and took her hand. Mac smiled at her. When they made it to the restaurant and were seated Mac ordered water and Sloan ordered a diet coke.

"Tell me."

"About three months ago Will started an affair with an ex-girlfriend from DC. Do you remember when he was there for a week?"

Sloan nodded, not believing what she was hearing.

"They spent the week together."

"How did you find out?"

"Will told me but he only told me because he just found out that she's HIV positive and I had to be tested this morning."

"Fucker, what was he thinking?"

"I honestly don't know. He says he broke it off last month because he wants to be with me. He fucked her in our bed in our apartment."

"Have you gotten your test results?"

"Negative, but my doctor wants to test me again in about a month. While I was there they drew blood to make sure I didn't have any STDs and found out that I'm pregnant, about six weeks."

"Kenz," Sloan said taking her hand across the table. "Are you okay?"

"He offered me the apartment today so I didn't have to move back to the brownstone."

"In what world is he living? Of course you couldn't stay there. Does he know about the baby?"

"I told him this morning after he told me his test results."

"Is he okay?"

"He's negative," Mac said.

"Can I do anything? Help you pack, kick his ass?"

That made Mac laugh. "That helped, thanks."

"What are you going to do about the baby?" Sloan asked.

"I honestly don't know. I always wanted to have his child, but now, I don't know."

"Don't make any decisions right now, Kenz. You're reacting to the hurt. What he did was deplorable and…"

"The exact same thing I did."

Sloan looked as if she was about to object. "I'm not saying that I understand his actions and the only reason he told me was because he had to. I had no idea anything was going on. If she hadn't contracted HIV would I ever have known? I, at least, was honest with him."

"He's a prick, Kenz."

"You still have to work with him, Sloan."

"I'll act as sweet as pie in front of the camera and be a total pro, but off camera I don't."

They finished up their lunch and went back to the office. Sloan was in her office working on her story when Will pushed open her door.

"You really don't want to come in here," she warned.

"She tell you?"

"Everything," Sloan replied.

"Is she okay?"

"Do you remember how you felt when she told you she'd been sleeping with Brian? Her world just collapsed, so no, she's not okay and on top of all of that, she's pregnant."

"If she needs anything…."

"Her friends will take care of her. You were supposed to be one of the good guys, Will. How could you do this to her when you knew how it felt when it happened to you?"

"I fucked up, badly, Sloan and I'll do anything to fix this."

"I don't know if this can be fixed this time, Will."

"I hope you're wrong. I know she won't tell me if she needs anything, but if she does, will you let me know?"

"I'm not sure why you think I'm going to be on your side in this. You slept with your ex-girlfriend for months and could have jeopardized Mackenzie's life. What part of this aren't you getting?"

He didn't answer her but turned and slammed his fist into her wall, leaving a hole and walked out.


	2. Chapter 2

At the rundown meeting Will's hand was wrapped and he had a splint on one of his fingers. He was sitting there when Mac came in. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"Broke a finger and scraped my knuckles."

"How?" she asked.

"I hit a wall in Sloan's office, she didn't tell you?"

"No, I've not seen her since lunch."

The rest of the team trickled in and sat down, asking Will if he was all right. He thanked them all for their concern and explained that he was fine. The rest of the afternoon was full for Will as he was playing catch-up now since he'd spent a long period of time in his doctor's office and his script wasn't written and typing with one hand was proving difficult.

He was looking forward to the show if only to hear her in his ear. Had it really only been about twenty-four hours since he tore their world apart? It felt like an eternity since she'd spoken to him and she still wasn't speaking to him about anything other than work.

After the show he went to her office and knocked on her open door. She was gathering her things. "Do you need a ride to the brownstone?"

"I'll get a cab, thanks. I was able to get movers for this weekend," she explained.

"Do you have to move everything?" he asked.

"If, by some miracle, we come through this mess there is no way in hell I'm ever living in that apartment again."

"Got it. At least let me make sure you get home okay, Mac, please?"

"Okay, I'll take a ride, thanks."

He smiled. "Whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready now," she said turning off her lights and walked to his office but she didn't go in, she stayed just outside his office.

Lonny came to escort them down to the SUV and when they arrived Mac got in the front seat. Will stood there looking at her until Lonny opened the back door for him.

Mac explained that she was going to the brownstone and when they arrived she thanked Lonny for the ride. "Good night," she said and got out of the SUV.

"What did you do?" Lonny asked. "I've never seen her this mad at you."

"Just take me to the apartment, Lonny," Will said and scooted down to lay his head back against the seat.

When Lonny left the apartment it felt like the loneliest place in the world to Will. Her things were there, for now, soon they wouldn't be, and it would be as if she was never there, he'd only have his memories of them there together.

There was anger, at himself, boiling just under the surface. It only took a few minutes for him to completely trash the living room. He threw books, and glasses and anything he could get his hands on. The pillows were off the couch, none of the artwork was still on the wall, furniture was turned over and nothing was where it had been a few minutes before.

He was leaning against the door that leads out to the balcony and slid to the floor, sobbing like he hadn't since he was a child after a beating. He'd fucked up his life. He'd had everything with Mac and now he had nothing and it was no one's fault but his own.

Mac was sitting on the couch staring at the fire, lost and numb. Her hand rested on her abdomen over the baby she hadn't yet even been aware of until the blood test. This should have been one of the happiest times of their lives. Yet she was sitting alone on her couch blocks and blocks away from Will. In the same city yet they couldn't be further apart. Had she done something, not done something, she didn't understand. She thought he loved her but she obviously wasn't enough for him.

She fell asleep on the couch and ended up sleeping there all night, exhaustion from the previous night finally catching up with her. When she woke she was nauseous and spent a long time in the bathroom before making her way into the kitchen to make herself some tea and hoping to find soda crackers. She'd have to go to the store and stock the kitchen. She'd been going with Will so she at least knew what brands of things to buy, it was better than nothing she thought.

She got dressed and hailed a cab to take her to the studio. Another thing to get used to, not having Lonny around to drive. When she arrived in her office there was a grocery bag on her desk along with a note in Sloan's handwriting. "These items helped my sister-in-law with her morning sickness. I'm here for anything you need." She'd signed the note simply, Sloan.

Mac found tea bags and ginger ale along with soda crackers and a few other goodies that Sloan knew would make her smile. At the bottom of the bag she found a Flake bar. When she looked up she saw Sloan in her doorway. "Thank you," she said coming around her desk and hugged Sloan.

"You're welcome. How'd it go last night?"

"It sucked, Sloan but I was also exhausted from the previous night so I at least slept."

"Any morning sickness yet?"

"God, yes. It was horrible. My stomach still isn't great."

"Try some of the ginger ale with crushed ice, it will help," Sloan suggested.

Will came up behind Sloan and said, "are you okay, you look a little green?"

"I'm fine, thanks," Mac replied and returned to her seat. Sloan was still standing in the office.

"Would you excuse us please, Sloan."

Sloan looked to Mac and said, "you okay?"

Mac nodded and said, "thank you."

"She your bodyguard now?" Will asked flippantly.

"No, she's my friend. Did you need something, Will?"

"I don't want to be around for the movers on Saturday, do you know what time you'll get to the apartment and how long it will take?"

He was acting as if she was inconveniencing him. "We'll arrive about eight and will be out as soon as possible, I can't give you an exact time."

"Fine," he said and left her office.

Saturday came and Mac was waiting for the movers at the apartment. When she got off of the elevator she saw everything out of place, broken glass everywhere, the room was a disaster. There looked to be paths to get from the living room to the kitchen and from the living room to the bedroom. She quickly peeked to see if the rest of the apartment was trashed, but it wasn't, only the living room.

While she was waiting for the movers she began cleaning up, getting the glass off of the floor and straightening things. She noticed his guitars hadn't escaped his wrath either, but who knew if they were collateral damage or if they were targeted. When the doorman rang up to let her know that the movers had arrived she'd made a lot of progress in the living room. She'd asked that they be allowed upstairs. She was waiting for them by the elevator. There were four of them to pack her things. She took them into the bedroom and showed them her dresser and her part of the closet. The movers got to work.

Mac was still in the living room straightening up a while later when one of the movers came to let her know that they'd packed what she'd shown them and wanted to know what to do next.

Mac showed him the bathroom items that were to go and had one of the movers come with her into the kitchen where she had them pack up some of the food that only she ate along with her various teas and her beloved tea kettle that was a gift from her parents many years ago. She also had some books that needed to be packed.

After the movers had finished packing for Mac she had them fix the furniture in the living room. It finally looked back to normal. She had no idea how long it had been that way but she could imagine the state he was in when he tried to destroy this room.

Mac explained that they'd packed everything and that the items that had been boxed needed to be delivered to the brownstone as soon as they could get them there. The movers took the last of the boxes down the elevator and explained that they would be delivering her items in about an hour.

Mac was standing in the middle of the living room looking around. She'd loved living here with Will. She'd thought they would live here for the rest of their lives.

She left her key on the kitchen counter and after taking one final look around the apartment, locking away the memories of the good times they'd had here, because there were some really good times. She walked out on the balcony, remembering how they danced out there together and she wondered if they'd ever dance together again. With tears in her eyes she left the apartment for the last time.

When Will returned hours after she'd left, as he didn't want to accidently be there while she was moving out, he got off the elevator and stopped. The living room had been cleaned up. Mac had cleaned up his mess, literally, this time. He walked into the kitchen and saw her key on the counter. He picked the key up and brought it to his lips and closed his eyes, fighting back tears. He walked into the bedroom and her half of the closet had been cleaned out and all of her dresser was now empty. He checked every drawer, somehow hoping that she left something. In the bathroom he now had all the counter space he wanted. There were no longer bottles and lotions everywhere and the tears started, she was truly gone, and nothing was left of her in the apartment.

Mac was busy unpacking her things when her phone rang. It was Sloan. "Hi, Sloan."

"Hey, Kenz. How's it going?"

"It's hard and very sad."

"I'm so sorry, Kenz."

"Thanks."

"How about having brunch with me in the morning, my treat, please?"

"That sounds lovely. How about at Calliope at 9:30?"

"I'll see you then and Kenz."

"Yes?"

"Call me if you need anything, okay? I don't care what time it is."

"Thank you, Sloan."

Mac finished unpacking and putting everything away. Her next errand was to go to the grocery store. She hailed a cab and had the driver take her to Whole Foods. She shopped for a while, making sure to put fresh fruits and vegetables into her cart along with the staples of a kitchen. While she was there she went by the deli and grabbed a roasted chicken to have for dinner. She guessed that she'd better get used to eating alone again.

Sunday morning Mac woke up feeling horrible. The nausea was the worst she'd had yet and she doubted that ginger ale would settle her stomach but she had to try, it had been working. She was walking down the stairs when she started feeling dizzy and the next thing she knew she was on the floor at the base of the steps. She was so weak she couldn't move.

Will wanted to do something to thank Mac for cleaning up the living room. He'd gotten up early and made her her favorite French toast casserole. He had Lonny drive him to the brownstone and when he was at the door he looked inside and saw her collapsed on the floor. He quickly grabbed his key and opened the door, rushing to her side.

"Mac, can you hear me? Mac?" She was unresponsive. He dialed 911 and gave them Mac's address. He then called Lonny to alert him that an ambulance was en route. Lonny was looking out for the ambulance and showed them where to go when they arrived.

"What can you tell us sir?" one of the first responders asked him.

"I was bringing her some breakfast and I saw her through the door collapsed here. She's about seven weeks pregnant."

"Okay, we'll take care of her, why don't you step over here with me and we'll get some information while my guys take a look at her."

"Mackenzie, Mackenzie McHale is her name."

"My guys will take good care of her sir." The first responder that was talking with Will got a signal from one of his guys. "We're going to be taking her to Presbyterian's trauma center."

"What's wrong with her?" Will asked, tears in his eyes. He couldn't stop looking at her.

"I'm sorry, I don't know. We'll get her to the hospital and get her some help."

"What's going on?" Sloan asked walking into the brownstone, finally seeing Will on the side talking to one of the first responders. "Will?"

"I found her unconscious and called 911, that's all I've got, Sloan. What are you doing here?"

"We were going to have brunch and she didn't show up or call and that's not Kenz. I thought I'd come by and make sure she was okay."

The paramedics loaded Mac onto a stretcher and rolled her to the waiting ambulance. "Where are you taking her," she asked.

"Presbyterian."

"Thank you," Sloan said and turned to leave.

"Sloan, wait," Will said, "you can ride with us, if you want."

"Thanks."

Lonny drove them to the entrance to the Trauma Unit and both Will and Sloan jumped out of the SUV. Will was at the information desk trying to locate Mac. Sloan could see he was about to lose it when she touched his elbow and began talking with the woman at the information desk. Will stalked off into a waiting area.

"She's being checked out and as soon as they know something they know to come out and talk to us. All we can do right now is wait," Sloan said.

Will, on a good day, was not patient. He was up pacing and all of a sudden he'd stop and look out the window and then he'd start pacing again.

"McHale family," a woman in blue scrubs said.

"Here," Will said rushing up to the woman. "How is she?"

"She's still being examined, I'm sorry. I need to confirm a few details, if that's okay?"

"Of course," Sloan said.

"I understand that she's seven weeks pregnant, is that correct?"

"It is," Will answered.

"Is this her first pregnancy?"

"Yes."

"Do you know if someone holds her medical power of attorney?"

Sloan gasped.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to worry you," the nurse said, "it's a general question we ask everyone."

"I hold her medical power of attorney," Will answered. "Do you need a copy?"

"Not right now. Is she allergic to anything?"

"She's not."

"Thank you for answering my questions. I'll let the team treating her know that you're out here and as soon as we have any update we'll let you know."

"Thank you," Sloan and Will both said.

It felt like hours but really it was only about forty-five minutes later that a doctor came out to speak with them. "Ms. McHale is extremely dehydrated and we are giving her fluids to help with that but she still is unconscious and we don't know why at this point."

"The baby?" Sloan asked.

The doctor smiled and said, "the baby is just fine. Do either of you know her OB?"

"Janice Peterson," Sloan replied.

"Thanks. I'll give her a call and let her know what's going on. I'm sure she'll want to stop by and see her. We are going to admin Ms. McHale and as soon as we have a room number I'll make sure you're notified. Until she's settled one of you is welcome to come sit with her."

Will looked at Sloan and she said, "go sit with her."

Will followed the doctor back to a room and he saw Mac hooked up to many different machines with IVs going in each arm. She looked so small and fragile to him.

"You should talk to her and let her know you're here with her," the doctor said.

Will wasn't sure that Mac even wanted him anywhere near her but until she woke up and told him to get out he was staying.

He sat down next to the bed and picked up her hand. He stared at her hand for the longest time, comparing how small it was to his yet how perfectly it fit, or at least used to fit. That's when the tears started. "I'm so sorry Mac," he said, his other hand pushing her hair away from her face. "You need to wake up. Sloan's here, too, she said I could come see you first. The baby is fine; it's you we're worried about right now. The doctor said you were extremely dehydrated. Did you do too much yesterday and forget to drink water? I'm sure you did too much; you shouldn't have even had to do anything yesterday. Saturdays are days we walk in the park, or go see a movie or cook at home. You were moving and I'm sure everything is unpacked. I'm so sorry." He stopped talking and simply held her hand up to his mouth. He couldn't seem to stop the tears either.

A nurse came and explained that they were ready to move Mac upstairs and gave him her room number. She explained that they needed about an hour to get her moved and settled in and then he could come back.

"Thank you."

"Your friends are still in the lobby. If you'll go out this door, behind us, you'll see them."

Will nodded and turned to leave, when he turned all of a sudden and went back to kiss Mac's head and then he left. When he opened the door Charlie was sitting there with Sloan, holding her hand. They both got up when they saw him. "How is she?" Charlie asked.

"Still unconscious. They are moving her upstairs and need about an hour to get her moved and settled then we can all go in and see her and sit with her."

"What's her room number going to be?" Sloan asked.

"509."

"Thanks. I'm going to go to the chapel for a while and I'll meet you guys upstairs," Sloan said walking away from Will and Charlie.


	3. Chapter 3

"Let's go get some coffee," Charlie suggested.

Will nodded and followed Charlie. Lonny was following them from a distance. "Do you want to talk about it?" Charlie asked.

"How much do you know?"

"Nothing other than what you've told me. I've talked to Mac a few times, held her while she cried, that's it."

Hearing Charlie say that was like a punch in the gut to Will. "What you don't know is the reason that I had to tell Mac about Sam was that Sam found out she's HIV positive."

Charlie wanted to shake some sense into Will and explain that he should have told Mac because he wanted to be honest with her, but he refrained. "Have you been tested?"

"Yes, negative. When Mac was tested they also drew blood to test for STDs and found that she was six weeks pregnant. That's how she found out."

Charlie stopped walking and just looked at Will.

"I know, I know," Will said. He could imagine what Charlie wanted to really say to him but was holding back due to the current situation.

Charlie shook his head and they continued walking.

"Mac moved out of the apartment yesterday. God, I was a prick to her about it, too, fuck." They walked in silence for a few moments and he started again, "the other day I pretty much destroyed the living room, she cleaned it up while she was there yesterday with the movers. I was taking her breakfast this morning as a thank you when I saw her on the floor. I used my key and called an ambulance."

"I don't even know where to start, Will."

"All I want is for her to wake up and yell at me. Why won't she wake up?"

"She will, in her own time. She's getting the care she needs, Will."

"She shouldn't need the care at all."

"I won't disagree with you there," Charlie said.

When they made it to the cafeteria Charlie bought them both large coffees and they sat at a table in the corner where there was a bit more privacy.

"What's your biggest fear right now?" Charlie asked.

"That I've lost Mac for good."

"Not that she won't wake up?"

"I'm trying to think positively," Will said.

"You're thinking selfishly. None of what's happening right now is happening to you. You aren't unconscious in a bed upstairs getting fluids. This isn't about you. Stop making it about you. Yes, you fucked up, on a monumental scale but you need to be worried about Mac right now, not yourself."

Will sat there staring at Charlie for a few minutes. "You're right," he finally agreed.

"I know I am. What do we need to do for Mac? Once she gets out she's going to need someone to stay with her for a little while at least."

"She won't want me there."

Charlie looked at him with a knowing expression on his face.

"We both know that," Will added. "I'll talk to Sloan and see if she could stay. You know Mac is not going to like us hovering."

"I'll talk to her and make her understand that we need to be sure she's okay," Charlie said.

They finished up their coffees and when they made it upstairs Sloan was sitting with Mac.

"Any change?" Will asked.

Sloan shook her head quickly. "I was sitting here talking to her so that she knows she's not alone."

"Thank you," Will said.

"She'd do the same for me."

Charlie said to Sloan, "come take a walk with me for a few minutes."

Sloan got up and followed Charlie out of the room leaving Will alone with Mac.

He sat in the chair Sloan was using and picked up Mac's hand. "Hi, Kenz. I really wish you'd wake up and yell at me and tell me to get out. I need you to be okay and I know that's selfish, but I have so much I need to talk to you about. We're going to have a baby, Kenz. I have no idea how to do anything with a baby. I need you to help me and teach me how to change a diaper and how to be a parent, Kenz."

When Charlie and Sloan came back there hadn't been any change. They all took turns sitting with Mac individually and they sat with her together, chatting quietly. Even when they took Mac for tests, they all remained in the room. Sloan explained that she had to go to a meeting with some of her students but she would be available by phone and she wanted a call the second Mac woke up.

"I'll call you," Will said. "Thank you for staying today."

He looked like he needed a hug and Sloan never was one to back down, so she hugged him and said, "she's a fighter, don't give up on her," into his ear. Will nodded against her shoulder.

After Sloan left Will was sitting there with Charlie. "Go on home, Charlie. I'll be here."

"I'm your first call, are you hearing me?" Charlie said.

"Yes sir," Will said and shook Charlie's hand.

Will and Mac were alone again. "Just you and me again, sweetheart," Will said holding her hand in his. He rested his head on her bed, against her hip.

He didn't know if it had been a few minutes or hours but he felt her hand tighten in his. He was immediately awake. "Mac, can you hear me?"

She was starting to come around and he pressed the call button for a nurse and explained that she was waking up. The nurses were immediately in the room and moved Will away from her so that they could examine her. One of the nurses explained that the doctor was on his way.

When the doctor arrived Mac still was coming around and not really fully conscious. By the time he'd finished his exam Mac was fully awake and talking. He asked Will to move closer and the doctor asked Mac if she recognized him. She said she did and Will smiled at her. She asked about the baby and the doctor explained that the baby was doing just fine. When Will looked up at the clock it had been twelve hours since he found her unconscious. He quickly texted both Charlie and Sloan, letting them know that Mac was awake and doing okay.

The doctor came over to Will and said, "she's doing well. I'm going to keep her here over night but most likely I'll release her in the morning."

"Any idea why she was unconscious for so long?"

"No, none. It could have been the dehydration and it was just her body's way of repairing itself. Either way, she's fine now and her saturation level is good."

"Thank you," Will said shaking the doctor's hand.

When they were alone again Will sat down by her and said, "you had a lot of people very worried today."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have any reason to be sorry, sweetheart, but I'm glad to see you awake again."

"How'd I get here?" Mac asked.

"I found you unconscious at the brownstone."

"Why were you there?"

"I was bringing you breakfast to say thank you."

"What for?" she asked.

"Cleaning up and fixing the living room. You didn't have to do that."

She nodded.

There was a knock on her door and she said, "come in."

"Hi, Mac."

"Janice, you didn't need to come down," Mac said hugging her friend.

"Janice Peterson," she said to Will.

"Will McAvoy. How do you know Mac?"

"We've been friends for years but I'm also her doctor."

"Thanks for coming."

"No problem. I need to talk to Mac for a few minutes, do you mind to give us the room?"

Mac was watching Will. She saw him start to object and then back down. She honestly thought he looked like he was about to cry.

"It's okay, Janice. He can stay."

"You're comfortable talking about you and your health with him in the room?" she asked.

Mac looked at Will for a moment and then turned to Janice and said, "it's okay."

"Okay," Janice said. "When the trauma doctor called me this morning I asked him to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby was okay. The baby is fine; I looked at the results after your doctors here looked at them. I wanted to show you something," she said pulling a chart out. She was holding up the pictures from the ultrasound. "This," she said pointing at a small image on the screen, "is the baby." She handed the picture to Mac and explained what was in the shot.

Will hadn't moved Mac noticed. She looked up and he was watching her intently. "It's okay," she said and Will was up by them in a second looking at the picture.

Janice left a few minutes later, but left them with the pictures.

Mac was yawning and scooted down in bed. "I'm fine," she said to Will who was hovering but attempting to appear like he wasn't hovering.

He raised his hands and sat down.

"You can go home, you know. I'll be fine," she said.

"If you want me to leave the room I will, I won't go far, but I'll do as you ask."

"I don't care. Do what you want. I'm going to sleep."

The next morning when Mac woke she saw Will still sitting in the chair, sleeping. She saw him wake when someone knocked on her door.

"Come in," Mac said.

It was her doctor. "Good morning," he said.

"Good morning. When may I get out of here?" Mac asked.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel normal, no problems."

"Any morning sickness?" the doctor asked.

"I have been experiencing morning sickness," she said which shocked Will. He didn't know. Now it made sense to him why she seemed a bit green the other day.

"How about today?"

"Just a little nausea, that's it so far."

"I think you'll find that the more hydrated you are the less morning sickness you'll have. I'm not saying it will go completely away, but having enough fluids seems to help."

Mac smiled at the doctor and said, "I will be well hydrated, trust me."

The doctor chuckled. "I hear you. Let me do a quick exam," he said looking at her chart. "Your vitals look good. Let's have a listen." After he'd listened to her heart and lungs he was happy to announce she was being discharged. "I'll get the paperwork started and we'll get you out of here."

"Thank you, doctor," Mac said.

Will said, "thanks," and shook the doctor's hand.

When they were alone again he asked, "can we talk a minute about what happens when you go home?"

"Yes."

"You're going to need someone with you."

She started to object but after she thought about it, decided he was right. "I agree, for a couple of days."

"Sloan is going to stay with you." He saw her react and she seemed disappointed. "Do you not want Sloan to stay?"

"It's fine."

"If it's not what you want, tell me and I'll arrange for a nurse or something."

Mac turned onto her side and said, "it's fine." He could see she was crying.

He sat down next to her and started to take her hand. "Please don't touch me."

"Okay, I won't. Will you tell me why you're upset?"

"Don't worry about it, I'll be fine," she said wiping her eyes.

"I'm going to get you home and then Sloan will…."

She interrupted him, "I don't want Sloan, I want you," she said and was crying harder.

You could have pushed Will over with a feather. "You want me to stay?"

She nodded her head.

"Of course I'll stay. I just thought that you wouldn't want me there."

"Only if you want to be there, Will."

"There's no place I'd rather be, sweetheart."

Mac nodded and closed her eyes.

"You rest for a while and I'm going to find some coffee. I'll be right back."

Out in the hallway he ran into Sloan. "'How is she this morning?"

"She's being released. She says she's okay, a little nauseous, but that's it."

"Good. What time do I need to be at the brownstone?"

He really didn't want to have this conversation with Sloan. "She asked me to stay with her."

"Really?"

"I had no idea."

"You'd better be on your best behavior. You don't push or try to talk to her, she needs to recover, are you hearing me?"

Sloan was very protective of Mac now. "I know how to take care of her, Sloan."

"This is new and different and don't pretend it isn't. Your relationship has changed and you're in a weird spot. You think she's starting to forgive you, and she may be, but what she wants is the familiar around her and that's you, not me. I'd do anything for her, but she needs something in her life right now to be normal. She's scared to death. She's pregnant and is without her partner."

"I'm trying," he said.

"You think she isn't? How long did it take you to forgive her, five years, it's been a little over a week and she let you stay here with her and she wants you at the brownstone. I'm not saying this will be fixed tomorrow, but she's trying and don't think she's not just because she won't open up to you."

Will rubbed his face with his hands. "I know it's going to take time."

"Okay. I'm going to go see Kenz. I'll see you later," she said touching his arm and walking away.

Sloan knocked and pushed open the door to Mac's room. "You up for some company?"

Mac smiled and said, "from you, always."

Sloan came in and sat her purse on a chair and sat on the bed next to Mac and hugged her. "How are you, really?"

"I'm all right. Nauseous and I want to sleep in my own bed."

"Hospitals are not a place to get a lot of undisturbed rest. I hear Will is going to stay with you for a couple of days."

"You don't mind, do you?"

"God, no, Kenz. I'm happy to stay if you want but I understand wanting him around, he's familiar and until about a week ago he was the norm."

"He's acting weird. Asking permission and not doing something until I say it's okay. Janice came by last night and asked him to leave the room and I swear to you he looked like he was going to cry."

"You scared him yesterday, Kenz and he doesn't know where his boundaries are. I'm not defending him, but I think I understand."

"I don't know where his boundaries are either," Mac lamented. "Sometimes all I want for him to do is to crawl into bed and hold me and other times I don't want him in the same room as me. That part is getting better though, little by little."

Mac and Sloan chatted until Will came back. They stopped talking when he came in. "I can go," he offered.

"No, stay," Sloan said. "I've got to get to the studio. I'll call you later," she said to Mac.

"Thank you," she said hugging Sloan.

Sloan touched his arm as she walked out past him.

"Your coffee smells good," Mac said.

"You want some?" he offered.

"Can't."

"Why can't you have coffee?"

"I can have decaf, but it's not the same."

"Why?"

"It's bad for the baby."

"Oh." They hadn't yet talked about the baby, or the picture from the ultrasound.

Their conversation was interrupted by a nurse coming to check Mac's vitals, "Your discharge is being processed now, so we need to get you up and dressed to go home." The nurse helped Mac to the bathroom and helped her change. When she came out of the bathroom Will had gathered her things and had them on the bed.

"A volunteer will come by in a few minutes with a wheelchair to take you out."

"Thank you," Mac said to the nurse.

"I called Lonny, he's already en route."

"Thanks," she said sitting in the chair and turned on CNN. They watched the news in silence until the volunteer came by with the wheelchair.

Lonny was downstairs and drove them to the brownstone. Will explained that he'd be here for a couple of days but he may need to run to the apartment later.


	4. Chapter 4

Will helped her from the SUV into the house. "Did you want to go to the couch or upstairs?" he asked.

"Couch, please."

Will got her settled and placed a blanket over her and turned on the fireplace. "Do you need anything?"

"In the refrigerator are cans of ginger ale. Will you pour me one in a glass with crushed ice?"

"Sure. Still nauseous?"

She nodded. "Right back."

When he opened the refrigerator he was shocked. It was full of fresh food. When he looked in the cabinets, they were stocked, too. He quickly fixed her ginger ale with crushed ice and brought it back to her. "Here you go," he said handing it to her.

"Thank you." She took a sip and placed the glass on the table next to her. "Go ahead and ask."

"The kitchen is stocked."

"Yes, it is. I do have to eat."

"Yes, you do. I was surprised to see all the food," he said.

"I got used to having a stocked kitchen," she said and shrugged her shoulder.

He nodded. "Does the ginger ale help with the morning sickness?"

"Usually but not always. Soda crackers help, too."

"Can we talk about the baby?" he asked.

"Sure."

"I didn't know that…I wasn't sure…."

"You thought I might abort the pregnancy, is that what you're trying to say?"

It was his turn to shrug.

"You know I'm pro-choice."

"I do know that."

"I want this baby, Will," she said touching her abdomen over the baby.

"Good. How'd we conceive? You were on birth control pills."

"The pill is ninety-nine percent effective. But I think what happened is when I had the stomach flu and I was throwing up all the time for several days, I threw up the pills."

He nodded accepting her answer. "I want to be as involved as you're comfortable with me being."

"Okay."

"I would like to be at any future ultrasound tests."

"Okay."

He didn't want to push too much. "I need to run to the apartment and get a few things for the next couple of days. Are you okay by yourself for about an hour? I won't be gone too long."

"I'm going to lay here and watch the news and maybe read and I'm sure I'll fall asleep."

"When I come back are you all right with me using my key to let myself inside?"

"Yes. Thank you for asking."

He nodded. "I'll be back very soon. Do you need anything before I take off?"

"No."

"I'll be right back," he said and started out of the living room. "Hey, Kenz," he said and got her attention. "I love you."

She nodded and he walked out to find Lonny.

When he'd left she said, quietly and to herself, "I love you, Will."

When he returned she wasn't on the couch. He heard her in the bathroom and it sounded like she was throwing up. "Mac, can I come in?"

"Sure, why not?"

He opened the door and saw her be sick. She was sitting by the toilet on the floor. He grabbed a washcloth and ran it under cool water and sat beside her. When she was done he offered her the washcloth.

"Thanks," she said rubbing her face. She rested back against the tub and closed her eyes.

"Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm going to lay down," she said starting to get up. He was up and offered her his hand, which she accepted and he helped her back to the couch. "Thank you," she said when she was settled.

"You're welcome. I'll be right here if you need anything."

He watched her sleep. He had no idea how bad the morning sickness could be. He would make sure she got some fluids in, too, so she wouldn't dehydrate again. He moved to sit in front of the couch on the floor, up by her head.

When she woke she saw the back of his head. She wanted nothing more than to be able to reach out and run her fingers through his hair. He turned around to look at her and saw that she was awake. "Hey, you okay?"

She nodded against the pillow.

"We need to get some fluids in you so you don't end up back in the hospital."

"I'm hungry, too. Let's go see what's in the refrigerator to eat," she said sitting up. Will got up off the floor and held out his hand, which she took and he helped her off the couch.

"Want me to fix you something?" he offered.

"That would be nice. How about something simple like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with milk."

"I can do that. Is the bread in the refrigerator?"

"It is. How's your hand?" she asked noticing that the bruising was going away.

"It's fine. I couldn't do anything with the splint on my finger. I kept hitting it on everything, so I finally took it off the other day. It's sore, but it's okay. What kind of jelly?"

"Strawberry."

He fixed them each a sandwich and a glass of milk and they ate at the counter in the kitchen. The silence was awkward yet comfortable at the same time.

"I'm not deliberately being mean to you," she said all of a sudden.

"You're not," he said. "I know."

"I'm going to go take a shower."

"Not a bath?"

She smiled at him. "Can't sit in hot water," she explained.

"I need a book."

"Come upstairs with me. I've got the book you need to read."

He followed her into the bedroom. It was just as he remembered it being. She picked a book up off her nightstand and handed it to him. "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

"I'm going to get a shower. You can stay up here and read, if you want."

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Kenz."

"I know and I know you're trying and you're being very patient."

"I don't have any other choice," he said. "I want us back and I want us to work and I can't make that happen by myself, so I have to give you the time you need and the space you need."

She nodded and said, "I'm going to go take a shower. I'll be right back."

He watched her walk into the bathroom. He hadn't meant to push right then. She needed to know that he wanted her back and them back together, not that she didn't already know that but any chance he had to reinforce that he would.

He took off his shoes and settled on the bed to read. She came out of the bathroom dressed in leggings and an old t-shirt of his. She stopped when she saw him on the bed. "Are you learning a lot?"

"Oh my God, Mac."

She laughed, "what are you reading about?"

"I'm just flipping through right now, but I'm on the second month. I had no idea."

"It's okay, that's why I think you need to read the book."

"Are your breasts sore," Will asked as he was reading. "Sorry, is that inappropriate," he asked laying the book down. "I don't know what I can ask and what I can't."

"How about this," she said sitting down on the bed with him. "You may ask anything, but if I'm not comfortable talking about whatever it is, I'll tell you."

"You should be able to tell me anything, Kenz."

"Yes, I should."

He all of a sudden realized it was a trust issue. She saw him understand. "You don't trust me and okay, I get it," he said getting off of the bed. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything."

"You can take the book if you want to read some more."

"I don't feel like reading," he said and left the bedroom. He'd never felt this guilty before. Figuring out that she didn't trust him hurt so much. He couldn't blame her, though. He just wanted his life back the way it used to be, but he wasn't sure that they'd ever get back there and even if they were able to get through this betrayal they may never be the same as before. He'd really fucked up.

Mac remained upstairs for a while, reading. It had been close to two hours since she'd seen him. She looked up when she heard a knock on the door. Will was standing there in her doorway, his hands in his pockets and looking like he'd lost his best friend. "What's wrong?" Mac asked.

"I miss you, I miss the closeness."

"I know, I do, too," she said.

"I'm so sorry, Mac."

She nodded.

"Any way, I came up to see if you needed anything."

"No, thanks."

"How about I make us some dinner?" he suggested.

"If you'd like. You don't have to wait on me, I'm okay."

"Fuck," he said and closed his eyes.

"What's wrong, Will?"

"What's right? Absolutely nothing. I'm going to start some dinner," he said and walked out of the room.

The rest of the time Will stayed with Mac was awkward. She wasn't doing anything any different than before but he was coming to accept his responsibility for their current problems.

They returned to work after taking two days off. Mac was eager to get back to the news. Since Will was at Mac's Lonny picked them both up and it became routine, Will and Lonny would pick Mac up in the morning, she was still sitting in the front seat, and they'd take her home after the show.

Will had picked up a copy of Mac's book for himself and read it cover to cover. He'd scoured websites about fetal development and pregnant women trying to learn as much as he could. They hadn't made any progress on their relationship but Will wasn't giving up, much like Mac hadn't given up on him. He tried to keep tabs on her and what was going on with her and help out any way she'd let him. He made sure that there were always snacks around the office and he had groceries delivered to her home once a week. Mac had invited him to each of her doctor's appointments, the trying wasn't one sided.

Will was sitting at his desk when Mac walked into his office and came to stand next to his chair and said, "give me your hand." Mac hadn't been in his office in about four months now. He wasn't quite sure what the connection between his cheating and his office was in her mind but she wouldn't come in at all, until now. He immediately complied with her request and she placed his hand on her abdomen and put her hand next to his. "Can you feel that?"

Will had a huge smile on his face. This was the most intimately he'd touched her in months. This was the first time he'd physically touched the baby. "He's kicking, Mac."

She was smiling at him and nodded. "He is." She looked on his desk and saw he had framed all of the ultrasound pictures. "You had all the ultrasound pictures framed?"

"He's my son, of course I'm going to have his pictures on my desk." He wasn't sure what was happening but she looked touched by his action of having them framed.

They'd found out at the most recent doctor's appointment that they were having a boy.

Will was rubbing the baby with his thumb and the baby was responding to his touch.

"I should let you get back to work," she said and walking toward his door.

"Kenz."

"Yes."

"Thank you for sharing that with me, that's special."

She smiled and nodded and left his office. That night when Lonny came to take them home she sat in the back with him. He didn't say anything but smiled at her.

She was in the kitchen fixing herself a snack when Sloan called, "hello."

"Hi, Kenzie."

"Are you drunk, Sloan?"

"I might have had a couple of shots."

"Are you at Hang Chews? Is anyone with you?"

"I'm fine, Kenz. I'm celebrating."

Mac laughed. "What are you celebrating?" she asked, keeping her questions short and easy for Sloan's wasted brain.

"Did you see where the Dow ended up today?"

"You're celebrating the record high?"

"I am. Too bad you can't join me, there is some amazing tequila."

"Sloan are you at the bar?"

"I am not ashamed to say I am sitting at the bar."

"You don't have any reason to be ashamed. Is Jess working?"

"She is. You're the only one missing."

"Is Will there?"

"Oh, I guess you aren't the only one missing."

"Give your phone to Jess, please, I want to say hello."

Mac heard Sloan calling the bartender over and gave her the phone. "This is Jess."

"Jess, it's Mackenzie. Are any of my staff there?"

"Neal is still here with his girlfriend."

"Wonderful. Would you mind giving the phone to him and we'll get Sloan home?"

"No problem at all, Mac. See you soon."

Jess walked over to Neal and explained that she had Sloan's phone and Mac was on the line and wanted to talk with him.

"Mac?"

"Thank God you're there. Can you see Sloan from where you are?"

"You can't miss her. She's standing at the bar with her hands in the air moving to music only she can hear. She's going to be in a lot of pain tomorrow."

"Will you do me a huge favor?" Mac asked.

"Get her home? Don't worry, we'll take care of it we were actually about to leave ourselves."

"Thank you. Lunch is on me tomorrow, you choose the place and we'll go out."

"Thanks, that would be fun. I'll text you once I get her home."

Mac disconnected the call and when the phone rang again she thought it was Neal. "Yes?"

"Kenz, it's Will."

"I'm sorry, I thought you were Neal. There's a situation with Sloan and too much tequila at Hang Chews and Neal is the only one left there."

"Why is Sloan getting wasted on a school night?"

"She said she was celebrating the Dow."

Will laughed. "How'd you get involved?"

"Sloan called me, I'm not sure why, but why do people who are drunk do half of what they do?"

"It always seems like a good idea at the time."

"Speaking from experience, Will."

"I got in so much trouble, Kenz, you don't want to know."

"Did you need something?"

He called to hear her voice but he didn't want to say that, so he made up a reason. "I was just calling to check on you."

"Thanks. I'm fine."

"Get some rest, okay."

"I will. Good night."

"Night, Kenz."

He'd give anything if he could kiss her good night.


	5. Chapter 5

Lonny had stopped in front of the brownstone a couple of nights later and Mac was about to get out. Will was busy texting someone and didn't realize where they were. Mac unhooked her seat belt and opened her door. "Night," she said and got out. She'd hoped that Will was going to walk her up to the door like he had been doing all week.

"You're an idiot, McAvoy. Go walk her up to the door, she was waiting for you but you were too busy to notice," Lonny said.

Will slid across the seat and ran to catch up with her. "I'm sorry, Mac."

"No problem. You were busy."

He touched her arm and said, "Hey, Kenz," and she turned to him. "I'm never too busy for you, never, okay."

She nodded. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

"I have a couple of meetings in the morning but I'm free after lunch, why?"

"Want to have a late lunch with me?"

"I'd love to," he said with a smile. He finished walking her up and made sure she got inside okay before he walked back to the SUV, smiling the entire way.

"Lonny we've got plans tomorrow afternoon. Mac and I are having a late lunch."

"That's great, man. It's taken her a long time to forgive you."

"I don't think she has, really, it's just another step, but I'm hopeful we'll get there."

The next day Lonny dropped Will off and he rang the bell. She answered the door in yoga pants and a t-shirt that used to belong to him. If you didn't know she was pregnant it would be hard to tell in the t-shirt.

"Hi."

"Come on in."

"You still up for a late lunch?"

"Do you care if we stay in?"

"Not at all, are you all right?"

She smiled at him. "I'm fine, just tired. We can order or fix something here, which would you prefer?" she asked, leading them into the living room and onto the couch.

"If you're tired we can order, it will be easier, or we can do something tomorrow if you want to rest. He'd give anything if he could take her hand in his and tuck her hair behind her ear.

She was sitting sideways on the couch, facing him. She rested her head on the back of the couch and said, "I've got to eat, so let's order something, your choice."

"Anything off limits?"

"No, I think I could just about eat anything today. Something with rice sounds good."

"Chinese?"

"How about Japanese?" she suggested.

"That sounds good. Do you have a menu?" he asked.

"Sure, you want a beer?"

"Do you have any Diet Coke?"

"Sure, right back."

He was sitting there trying to figure out how to tell her what he needed to tell her today when she came back in with his drink and the menu.

"Thanks," he said taking a sip and placing the drink on the table. "What's good?"

"I like their vegetable teriyaki and their miso soup."

He looked over the menu. "Is that what you'd like?" he asked taking out his phone.

"Yes, please."

He placed their order and when he disconnected he said, "forty-five minutes."

She brought her legs up onto the couch and rested her head back again.

"Are you sure you're up for this?"

She smiled at him and nodded. "What did you do this morning?"

Was this his perfect opportunity? He hoped so. "I had a meeting at my lawyer's office."

"Everything okay?"

"I sold the apartment."

Her head was up off the couch and she said, "you what?"

"I sold the apartment."

"Billy…."

"You've not called me that in months, it's nice to hear again."

"You sold the apartment? Where are you going to live?"

"I'll figure something out. I've got a month to get my stuff packed. I may go to a hotel for a while."

"You'll need a storage unit."

"I sold it furnished. I've only got to pack my personal items."

She had an idea. "You could stay here," she suggested.

"Would you be comfortable with me staying here?"

She reached for his hand and held it in hers. "I'd like you here."

"I'll get my stuff packed."

She was playing with his fingers. He was almost afraid to move as if doing so would remind her and she'd stop holding his hand

She looked up at him and said, "I need to understand."

He nodded.

"Can we talk this afternoon?"

"Yes," he replied.

They sat on the couch waiting for their food to arrive. She was still holding his hand. All of a sudden she rubbed her side.

"Is he kicking?"

"He's been kicking my ribs all day."

He took his hand that wasn't in hers and placed it where she was rubbing. That was the first time he'd freely touched the baby. "He's really active today."

"He was all night, too," she said.

"I'm sorry he kept you up."

"Nothing I tried worked. A shower, warm milk, nothing worked. He's settling down now, though. I wonder if it's your voice?"

"Might be."

The doorbell rang and Mac started to get up. "I've got it, you relax." Will brought their lunch into the living room and gave Mac her soup and teriyaki. They ate and chatted about things that were happening at the studio, safe topics, for now.

After lunch Mac took their leftovers and put them in the refrigerator and put the trash out. When she returned to the living room Will was standing by the fireplace.

"You want me to turn it on?" she offered.

"That would be nice. Thanks for lunch."

"I miss you, Billy."

"I miss you, too. Are you sure you're okay to talk?"

She nodded. "I need to know why it happened."

"I've thought a lot about the whys, Mac. But, I think it really boils down to one thing, Sam was easy. When Sam and I were dating, years ago, we never really had to work at the relationship." He saw her react to Sam's name. "Will you let me explain that?"

She nodded. He could see the tears in her eyes. "Sam is me in a female form. Blond, blue eyes, Republican, same stance on the issues and that made it easy. I thought Sam was it for me until I moved to New York and met you. You wouldn't give me the time of day and you made me work for everything. You fought, hell; you still fight with me daily. I never knew I wanted more until I met you and realized how much better you make me, personally, professionally, in every way. When I saw Sam in DC it was easy again. Easy was appealing after having to work so hard for everything."

"Are you saying it's my fault?"

"God, no. Kenz, in no way am I saying that," he quickly responded. "There's nothing wrong with being challenged and I love it, I love you. Maybe it was a moment of weakness, or because Sam was flirting with me, I don't know, but she was there and it was easy to slip back into that role. After a while though, I didn't want easy any more. That's not what I aspired to be. You make me so much better because you make me work harder and think more and because you won't let me take the easy road."

There were tears running down her cheeks. She got off the couch and walked over to him and put her arms around him. He slowly placed his arms around her and held her close to him. "Thank you for telling me."

"Thanks for listening," he said kissing her head and running his hand over the back of her head.

He wasn't about to be the first one to pull away, not now. He'd hold her as long as she wanted to be held. It didn't take her too long to pull away, but she didn't move far from him. With his thumbs he wiped the tears from her cheeks. She'd closed her eyes when she felt his touch on her face. "I hate that I make you sad."

"It's getting better."

"I hope so."

She yawned and said, "I'm sorry."

He smiled at her and took her hand. "Do you want to lay down for a while, I can go?"

"Will you lay down with me?" She was acting as if asking him to stay was inconveniencing him. "We can stay down here."

He smiled at her and said, "I'd love to lay with you and we can go wherever you're the most comfortable."

"The couch is fine," she said pulling him over to the couch. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

She was being so careful but he couldn't blame her. "God, yes. I've not gotten to hold you in months. How would you like to do this?"

"You lay on your back and I'll lay on my left side between you and the back of the couch, assuming I still fit."

"Let's give it a shot," he said toeing off his shoes and relaxing back on the couch. He could tell she was still hesitant. He held his arms out to her and said, "it's okay, Kenz."

She eased down onto her side and rested her head on his shoulder. She was asleep within a very few minutes. He was lying there enjoying the feel of her in his arms and her lying on his shoulder.

She must have been exhausted because she slept for several hours. He'd slept some, too. He was awake when she started waking up. Her arm was across his chest and she squeezed. His hand was in her hair and was gently running his fingers through her now fuller hair. She had one of her legs between his and the baby was resting against his side. She opened her eyes and saw that it was dark outside.

"I'm sorry, Will…."

"Stop right there. You have no reason to be sorry. There is absolutely no place I'd rather spend my afternoon than with you and in this case I got to hold you while you slept against me. You have no idea how great that feels."

"I do, it feels as great as feeling you holding me."

He didn't know if it was a trust issue or what, but she was being very careful around him, making sure he was okay with whatever she wanted. Perhaps it was a loss of confidence and she didn't know where she stood with him. Either way he needed to help get her past it.

"I want you to be comfortable with me, Kenz and I don't know how to help you do that. I don't want you to worry about inconveniencing me. I love you. Anything you want or need, I want and need, too."

She leaned up on her elbow so she could see him and said, "I love you."

He had a huge smile on his face. "I wasn't sure I'd ever hear you say that again," he said pushing her hair behind her ear.

"I don't know what happens now, though," she said, resting back against him.

"That's okay, Mac. Can we talk some?"

"Yes, but first I have to use the bathroom," she said pushing herself up and off the couch.

He was standing in front of the fire when she returned. She sat on the couch and said, "what would you like to talk about?"

"I want to ask you some questions and I'm not necessarily looking for answers today but some things I'd like you to think about, okay?"

"Sure," she replied.

"I know we're not there yet, but we seem to be getting better, do you think so?"

"We are and I think we're further along than you think," she replied.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"So I have some sort of reference, if a one is the day I told you and a ten is before anything happened, where do you think we are?"

"I'd say about an eight."

"I had no idea," he said. "Wow, an eight, really?"

"Maybe it's just me, but I feel like we're at an eight. Where do you think we are?"

"I thought somewhere closer to a four or five, but I'm not the one who had to work through all the hurt this time."

"Do you think living here is going to be a problem?"

"No, it will make us closer, emotionally," he replied.

"I want, I need that closeness and I need to trust that nothing like this will ever happen again. We owe each other that and we owe this baby that," she said touching the baby.

"I promise you that it won't. I don't know how to make you believe that, though."

"I believe you."

He nodded his head, accepting her words. "When I move in, where am I sleeping?"

"I know where I'd prefer you to sleep, Will, but that's up to you. There are guest suites on the second floor, one of which will be turned into a nursery, but that leaves two other ones."

"My greatest fear right now is that I move too fast and scare you and put our relationship back further."

"I struggled for the longest time with whether or not you wanted me any more, whether or not you loved me," she said wiping tears from her eyes.

He came over to the couch and sat with her. "Please don't doubt that I love you and want you. I know I put those doubts in your head but that was me being stupid. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

He pulled her into his arms and let her cry on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm so hormonal."

"I think I had something to do with that," he teased, hoping to make her smile.

"Thank God," she said and snuggled into his side. He moved them back on the couch and held her against his side, her head on his shoulder. She'd quieted down and had her hand on his chest, rubbing random patterns against his shirt.

He kissed her head and she sat up. "Too much?"

She shook her head and placed her hand on his cheek and gently leaned in to kiss him. It was a very brief, shy kiss that he was ecstatic to return. When she pulled back she asked, "when was the last time you were tested?"

"About a month ago, still negative. You?"

"Anytime I have blood drawn Janice has it tested. There's been no change."

Mac's stomach growled and Will smiled. "Someone's hungry."

"Yes, it is time to eat again. Thank you for keeping snacks around the office."

He didn't know that she knew it was him. "It was one of the only ways I had to take care of you."

"And sending groceries here once a week," she added.

"You're welcome. Want me to make you something?"

"What time is it?" she asked.

He looked at his watch, "six fifteen."

"Are you hungry at all?"

"I could eat something light."

"Don't feel like you have to, Will. I eat six to eight times a day."

"Wow, sorry, that was rude."

"I have to eat an extra three hundred calories a day right now and that will go up to four fifty the last trimester. I try to eat the heavier meals earlier and then lighter at night, otherwise I won't sleep."

"You look amazing, Mac, I meant nothing by that."

She nodded but he wasn't convinced he hadn't upset her. "Let's see what we can find to fix to eat," he said holding out his hand, which she easily took and let him help her up off the couch and into the kitchen.

"Are you hungry for anything specific? Have you had any cravings?"

"Last week I had to have fresh blueberries, I couldn't get enough of them, now if you offered them to me, I might nibble on them. Sloan brought me every blueberry thing she could find. She was very sweet."

"She has been very supportive and she's been there for you when I couldn't be," he said looking sad.

"Will, we both know it happened, we need to agree that it's in the past and we move forward, okay? It's not healthy for any of us to wallow in the sorrow and pity."

"Agreed," he said and pulled her into his arms. He felt the baby kick and moved back.

"Your son is hungry, Will."

He smiled and gently kissed her, his hands on the baby. "I'll get you both some food," he said going back to the refrigerator. "There are the lunch leftovers."

Mac shook her head. "Okay, there's breakfast stuff. Would you like eggs?"

"No."

"There's sandwich stuff, turkey and cheese."

"No."

"A salad?"

"No."

He turned to her and said, "what would you like to eat?"

"Poached pears with goat cheese."

"I'm not seeing any pears or goat cheese, sorry. I can order it from somewhere."

"Is there any pasta sauce in there?"

Will pulled out a jar of pasta sauce and looked at it. "This is not pasta sauce, Kenz."

"We make do with what we have, Billy. I can't make pasta sauce."

"Luckily, I can. But that takes hours to cook and our son is not going to wait for hours. We can use the jar. What are you smiling about?"

"That was the first time you called him our son."

He came back over to her and placed his hands on the baby. "He is our son and we are a family, Kenz."

"Yes we are."

"So, pasta and sauce is what you'd like?"

"That's fine."

"Tell me and if I can get it for you I will, if I can't make it with what's here." He was being really sweet. He saw the tears well up in her eyes. He smiled and pulled her into his arms again. "It's okay, Kenz."

"I want a cheeseburger with fries and mayo to dip them in."

He eased her back and said, "all I need you to do is to talk to me and I'll make whatever it is you want or need happen. I don't want you to be embarrassed or think I'm going to make fun of you. I'm here for you and I'm here for him, whatever either of you needs, okay?"

She was crying again and buried her head in the space where his neck met his shoulder and held onto him tightly. He wondered what she'd been doing before. She was essentially doing all of this on her own. She had Sloan's support but it wasn't the same. She may not have let herself do this. He kept rubbing her back and talking quietly to her, trying to comfort her. He held her until she pulled back and she wiped her eyes.

"Are you okay, Kenz?"

"I am. I don't know if I'm relieved since we've talked, or what, but the added hormones don't help. You're being amazingly sweet and patient and holding me and letting me cry."

"I'll hold you any time you want, sweetheart. You've been doing this all on your own, maybe some of it is relief that you don't have to any more?"

"I'm sure it is. I had no idea how I was going to do this alone and I'm very grateful I don't have to," she said.

"Where would you like your cheeseburger and fries from, Five Guys?"

"God, that sounds good. Is Lonny around somewhere close?"

"I'm sure he is, do you want to go out?"

"I do, I've been inside all day, I want to get out and walk some."

"I'll find Lonny while you go put your shoes on."


	6. Chapter 6

Lonny was outside and Will was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her. She came down in jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers. Her shirt was one of hers, not his that she had on earlier. This one very clearly showed the baby bump.

"You look nice," he said, putting one hand on the baby and one on her cheek and kissing her.

"Thanks."

She fixed her make up and she was ready to go out. Will took her hand and led her out to the SUV.

When they arrived at the restaurant the line was out the door. Will grabbed a baseball cap and put it on and held out his hand for Mac. They got in line, she was standing in front of him and he had his arms around her, his hand on the baby. He had her leaning back against his chest.

"Are you warm enough," he asked.

"I am, thanks."

They stood in line and chatted with the people in line ahead of them. There were tourists behind them that asked what they should order. When Mac turned around the woman said, "how far along are you?"

"Just over five months."

"Do you know what you're having?"

Mac and Will weren't used to people being this forward but they were self-proclaimed tourists. "A boy," Will said.

"Congratulations."

"Thank you," they both said.

They eventually got their food and ate at a small table in the back of the restaurant. When they'd finished they walked outside and around the block with Lonny shadowing them from the SUV. They walked toward Times Square and after a few blocks Will said, "Lonny is about to get nervous, too many people."

"We can go home."

"Can I stay tonight, Kenz? It's okay to say no."

"Are you asking to stay in the brownstone, or to sleep with me?"

"Sleep with you."

"I like the idea of that," she said.

"But…."

She shook her head and started toward the SUV.

"Please tell me what you're afraid of, Kenz."

She stared at him and took a deep breath. "My body looks very different…."

"You're pregnant, of course it does." He finally figured out she didn't want to shock him with the changes. "And," he said stepping close to her, "you're even more beautiful now because you're carrying him. But nothing has to happen that you aren't comfortable with, Mac. You have complete control, here."

"I don't want complete control. I want it to be like before when we were comfortable with each other. I kept trying to figure out what I did or didn't do to push you away."

"There was nothing, absolutely nothing that you did or even didn't do. This was all me and my screw up."

"I want to sleep with you, so badly, I want that closeness, I do, but I don't want to push too much."

"You think you're pushing me? You're not, at all. I promise you I've read "What to Expect When You're Expecting cover to cover and I know exactly what's going on with your body right now. I can look at you and tell your breasts are bigger, I didn't need a book to tell me that. If you are not comfortable with me seeing you naked right now that's okay. We'll get there."

"I'm not completely against the idea, I just need to get used to the idea. The last time you saw me naked, I was a size two."

"And now you're carrying my son which makes you even more beautiful to me."

She nodded her head and said, "let's go home." They got into the SUV and held hands the entire way to the brownstone. Will told Lonny that he was staying the night and that he'd call him in the morning.

They went upstairs into the master bedroom. "Kenz."

"Yes."

"Sit down with me a second. I need to ask you something."

"You don't have to wear a condom if things get that far. We're both negative and have been for months."

"I have no problem wearing one," he said.

"Thank you for offering, but when we make love, it will be with nothing between us, okay?"

"I love you and I want you, but nothing has to happen tonight, sweetheart. I want us to be comfortable with one another."

"I want that, too, Billy. I'm going to go change, I'll be right back."

When she returned he was in his boxer briefs and a t-shirt, waiting on the bed for her. She was wearing his t-shirt again and he guessed underwear but he couldn't tell. She stopped at the edge of the bed, between his legs. His hands went to her bump and he caressed her. "Nice."

"May I take this off?" he asked about her shirt.

She nodded. He pulled the shirt up and off of her. "You are so gorgeous," he said, his hands touching her anywhere he could. He took her breasts in his hands and pulled the nipple into his mouth.

"Fuck, that feels good, God, I've missed this."

"I've never made love to a pregnant woman before."

"Yes you have, you just didn't know I was pregnant at the time."

"Anything you're uncomfortable with?"

"No." He pulled her onto the bed, took off his t-shirt , his boxer briefs and pulled her underwear down and off of her. He took a moment to just look at her.

"I've missed you so much, Kenz," he said watching her play with her breasts. He kissed her belly button, which had turned to an outie and placed his hand between her legs. He inserted two fingers into her and she arched her hips off of the bed. "Easy, baby." He leaned down to kiss her, his tongue pushing into her mouth.

She moaned and when the kiss broke she said, "it's not going to take much to make me come."

"Me, either and I want to be in you when I do."

"I want that, too."

He touched her clit and she moaned, "God, yes, touch me." She was already very wet. He took his cock in his hand and pushed into her gently. "Fuck, yes."

He began gently thrusting and leaned down so he could take her nipple into his mouth. Her hand was in his hair, holding him against her breast.

He made sure not to put any pressure on the baby. He needed to change positions or he was going to come sooner than he wanted. He pulled away from her breast and moved behind her, slipping himself back into her. His arm was around her leg, his fingers playing with her clit.

"Billy," she moaned.

He was pushing into her at a faster pace now. She was moaning and grasping at her breast, tweaking her nipples.

"Oh, God, Billy," she screamed. He started to move his hand away, but she grabbed his hand and together they kept flicking her clit. Her orgasm was the most intense she'd ever felt.

"I'm going to come, Kenz, so close," he moaned and was coming in her. He kept himself in her and leaned over to kiss her.

"That felt so good, you feel so good in me, Billy."

"Kenz," he said slipping out of her and pulled her back against him. His hands were on her breasts, feeling the new added weight, seeing how much bigger her nipples now were. "Are you okay?"

"I'm so much better than okay," she said taking his hand in hers and laying them on the baby.

"Have you thought about names for him?"

"He'll have William in his name somewhere, that's as far as I've gotten. We can talk about it."

"Will he have my last name?"

She turned so she could see his face. "He most definitely will have McAvoy as his last name."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I love you, Kenz."

"I love you, too."

He moved down the bed until he got to the baby and he kissed the bump. "I love you, baby. Let's have a peaceful night, no kicking your mom's ribs, okay."

When he looked up at her she had tears in her eyes. He moved back up the bed and pulled her to rest against him. His arm was around her and resting against their son, rubbing them gently with his thumb. When he looked down at Mac she had fallen asleep.

He was finally where he was supposed to be, with his family and he'd never risk this for anything ever again.


End file.
